(Extraverted Feeling Judging)
EFJ children usually enjoy going to school, because it meets many of their natural needs. They always find people to interact with at school and they enjoy the structured environment. They are usually responsible and hard working students, although their interest in being social may cause them to be easily distracted in the classroom.
An EFJ's need to constantly interact with others makes it difficult for them to sit quietly and do a project on their own. They greatly prefer group projects, and usually do better when they can talk through their ideas and tasks out loud with others. If an EFJ is allowed to work with a friend rather than working alone, he or she will almost always be happier and more productive.
EFJs have a strong need for harmony and are quickly unsettled by conflict. They need to feel that their teacher likes them in order to be able to function well in a given class. If the child and teacher have not formed a bond, the EFJ child may assume that the teacher does not like them. A teacher should take a few extra moments to get to know the EFJ child, and let the child know that they are glad to have them in their class.
EFJs are most comfortable when the rules and expectations are spelled out clearly. Before they can complete any task or assignment, they will want to have a plan. If the task is not already planned out, they need to have the rules and goals clearly defined so that they can create a plan.
Finding a way to discipline an EFJ child without crushing their spirit will be a difficult task for many parents. EFJ children are hyper-sensitive to criticism, and can be completely disabled by punishment. Parents can diminish the need to punish their EFJ children by clearly defining the rules and expectations for the child's behavior. Rules should be enforced consistently and kindly. If discipline is required, be sure to let them know what rule they have broken, and that you still love them.
Parents and teachers of EFJ children should give them positive feedback as often as possible. Some Thinking adults often do not express love or admiration. They believe that their kids know how they feel, so it's not necessary to express themselves over and over again. Feeling children need to hear that they are appreciated and admired. If an adult doesn't give a Feeling child any feedback, this often turns into negative feedback in the Feeling child's mind.
EFJ children feel things intensely and passionately. They will carry this trait with them throughout their lives. It's important that they're not made to feel guilty or foolish for having such strong feelings. Some well-meaning parents might not want their children to have such emotional reactions to situations, and may try to downplay their children's feelings. That is a mistake. EFJ children will grow into EFJ adults, and nothing will change that. However, the EFJ's parents will influence the child's general happiness and effectiveness throughout their lives. Parents and adults of influence should encourage their EFJ children to share their feelings, listen to them when they do, and when at all possible they should validate the EFJ's feelings. If you cannot relate to the child's feelings themselves, you can at least validate their right to their own feelings.
EFJs love to be socially active and need to feel part of a community. They do well in group activities and thrive on opportunities to help others. The EFJ's commitment to their social group is one of the strongest gifts they will have to offer in their lives; whatever social group they are raised to be part of is likely where they will dedicate much of their effort throughout their lives. Therefore encouragement of healthy social group involvement is very important to the future health of the EFJ. They often find satisfaction from church membership, community volunteer work, girls scouts or boy scouts; that sort of thing. At school, team sports are a great idea, as are academic or social clubs.
EFJs are uncomfortable with change, and will probably approach an unknown situation with caution and reserve. Parents and caregivers should give their EFJ time to adjust to the idea rather than pushing them. Helping the EFJ child to see the new situation within the context of something that the EFJ has already experienced will help them adjust.
Adult personality types contain four letters, while for kids aged 7-12 we use three letter types. What happened to the missing letter? It's there, we just can't usually determine what it is until after a child is in their teen years. Sometimes it becomes apparent when they are around thirteen years old, sometimes as late as eighteen years old. EFJ kids will grow up to be either ESFJ "Caregivers" or ENFJ "Givers". At this stage in their development, it's not obvious whether they complement their Feeling function with Intuition or Sensing. You may have a sense which one the EFJ prefers, but we often have to wait until a person is well into their teens before we can determine their adult personality type.
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